I don't even know where to begin or how to describe my emotional journey during the first few weeks of my pregnancy, however it always comes back to the same thing: A Mother's Intuition.
About two weeks ago, at 5 weeks pregnant, I went to have an u/s - it's e a r l y to have an u/s at 5 weeks but because of the previous miscarriage I had, they wanted to stay on top of this one.
The woman performing the u/s showed me the amniotic sac and the yolk sac but there was no fetal pole....worse, there was a tiny circle attached to the amniotic sac that the woman was unsure about and b/c there was no fetal pole, she was a bit concerned.
I met with the nurse after who explained to me that the tiny circle could be a few things:
1) implantation bleeding
2) a molar pregnancy
3) something else
I had never heard of molar pregnancy and after she explained it to me and what I would potentially have to do if it was one, I was totally freaked out. She explained that I should have faith and stay calm and that all my symptoms were good signs (nausea, sore breasts, etc.).
But still for those 10 days I scoured the internet looking for anything that could give me hope and landed on this site reading Kay's story. So - between that and my intuition I continued to tell myself that "Lovey" was a healthy embryo and it was going to be ok.
Every day (multiple times per day) I would visualize "Lovey" safe, sound and healthy in my womb and every night my husband and I spoke to "Lovey" and did everything we could to connect with the beanlet. After a few days of doing that I began to feel totally calm about everything and knew deep down, that the bean was ok.
10 days passed like they were 8 years...and I found myself hysterically crying when the woman performing the new u/s told me that "Lovey" was fine and that it was not a molar pregnancy. Even better, we heard a heart beat! The abnormal mass turned out to be a placental cyst that had not grown during those 10 days and that it wasn't anything to worry about.
I've miscarried before so I know what it means to hold on to false hope. But I also know women who have been thru so so much worse and what kept me going this time was their strength and willingness to persevere - no matter what the outcome.
At 7 week and 2 days, I am not out of the woods yet, however, I still connect with Lovey every day and we talk to the beanlet every night. Each day he is with us, we are filled with hope and joy and he has already taught us that staying in the now is the only way to remain balanced and healthy during your pregnancy.
My first pregnancy (the one i miscarried), which was unplanned, really opened our eyes to the universe having "the master plan". For as devastating as it was, if "Cookie" had stayed with us, he was due this past April 2nd. We are newlyweds and our finances are really not in order just yet and introducing a baby into the mix would have created an enormous stress on everything for us b/c of where our careers were. Now that my husband has advanced and passed his exams that he needed to take for his work, much will change in these next 7 months and "Lovey" will be joining us at a much better time.
Have faith everyone and know that when the time is right, it will happen for all of us.
Remember that the power of positive thinking is stronger than we realize.