Oh, ow. Owie ouch ouch OUCH. Shelly, my heart is in shrivels right now for you. I wish had the right words -or the proximity!- to say or do whatever it would take to alleviate some of your pain. I am so completely blown away by what you described -and knowing that so many of you other ladies have been through it, too, to that degree- that I am feeling kind of dizzy. I can't imagine. I just can't. I now understand, having read what you and Amy wrote, just exactly what prompts women to do as you have done: Keep the baby, name it, give it a final resting home. When I lost my two, I was so clueless; I didn't even know for sure I was pregnant. After each of them, my doctors guesstimated that I had been about six weeks along... But all I had was heavy (REALLY heavy) bleeding and big clots. I was sad, certainly, after discovering I had been pregnant, and kind of freaked out that I'd just flushed or thrown away the fetus, but was not faced with what you guys were: Solid evidence in hand of what we'd before only seen on a screen, or visualized in our imagination.
Coupling my small experiences with your painfully big ones, along with the knowledge I've gleaned since then, I can still only touch the tip of the deeply rooted pain you are in. I will offer what I have to give: My ear, my affection, my respect and awe at your strength, and my hands in prayer.
Hug that baby boy to you, Shelly. Our children can be such a balm to our wounds. Let your love for him -and for the lost one- help heal you.
And Amy... If everything happens for a reason, then God intended you to be here at this site, ready to share and counsel and listen to others like Shelly who would unfortunately follow in your footsteps. Give yourself time; a month just is NOT that long! My prayer for you is that your pain recedes more and more every day... And that the next time will be SOON and UNEVENTFUL!!
All of my heart and prayers to both of you this night~
Me: 35 and holding; DH: 30
Keegan (DS), age 11; Ainslee (DD), age 3; Ash (DS), almost 2
M/C: '95, '04, twice in '07, and now '08. BLEH.
It's a GIRL! Due Dec. 22, 2008