How could this have happened?

How could this have happened?

Postby Sweetest on earth » Sun Mar 05, 2006 8:46 am

Dear friends,


I am writing to you in hopes of having answers, but I of all people should know that there arent many answers when it comes to this type of thing. Everything was going fine, as you may know if you have managed to keep up with my few posts. It was Wednesday night, and I was on my way to work. Punched in, held a short meeting, just as I usually do, and then at about 40 minutes after 10pm. I felt something wet inbetween my legs, I looked down, and saw that my beighe pants were covered with blood. I nearly passed out just from the shock. Co-workers called an ambulance for me. By the time we got to the hospital I had gone through nearly 6 pads in a little more then an hour. I was extreemly frightened, for the baby and for me. I had no idea what caused this, why now? When we did arrive at the hospital. The first thing they did was hook me up to a fetal monitor, they couldnt find a heartbeat. They drew blood, as if I hadnt lossed enough...Gave me some iv fluids. Confirmed that I had lost the baby with the transvaginal and ob u/s. I am still in complete shock. After all of that the doctors said that the bleeding should stop. I was released from the hospital at about 6am Thursday morning. Took some pain pills to put me to sleep. But the pain was just unbearable and the bleeding hadnt come to a stop...I went back to the er, that night. The look on my face, said it all. I was severly dehydrated, I could barely stand up. Finally I was examined by a ob/gyn, and it was him who found that the placenta hadnt passed..And that what was causing all of the bleeding, and clots..I had a d&c, shortly after, and ended up also needing a blood transfusion. That doctor said thank the lord, I had the common sense to come back in, knowing that something was evidently not right. The doctors and nurses that saw me the night before managed to come up with this as reason being for me being sent home. The u/s was very unclear due to all of the bleeding, and that the doctor on call didnt think that it was a good idea to give me a pelvic exam, in my condition. These last few days, have been the hardest days I could ever imagine having to live through. I cant stop thinking what caused this? I was so close to passing that point in my pregnancy. What did I do wrong? I know that I cant keep on beeting myself up over this, but what else can I do? Where can I seek the answers that I am longing for? What can I or anyone do to ease the pain? I really dont know what else to say, so I am going to end this post here and now. Thank you all, for your replies, and for keeping me and my little angel in your prayers. You all will remain in my prayers.

With hope and love,
Lori
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Postby julsathome » Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:00 am

Oh, Lorrie, so sorry to hear your news. It's very soon after your ordeal and you're bound to be feeling angry lost and confused. Not to mention the physical trauma and loss your body has been through as well. And even though I know it's not much help to you, losing the baby was DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FAULT!!! It is (to me anyway) the saddest thing that can happen to a woman and I think you just need to give yourself time to grieve, be angry, be sad and let yourself get all the emotion out. The sun will shine again and eventually you'll feel OK again, but right now please try to give yourself a big hug, accept the support around you and allow yourself to get through this tough time. There is no answer to why or how. You will get through this, and this board will always be here to support you. Take care. :(O
Juls
Me - Juls --36
DP (DHTB) - Eddie - 35
DS - Shane - aged 13,DD - Una - aged 10
ectopic on 01/04/05
Pregnant again! EDD April 8th 2007
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Postby dspagnoli » Sun Mar 05, 2006 10:53 am

Lori,
Just wanted to add how sorry I am. The loss of pregnancy leaves us with so many emotions and so many unanswered questions. One thing I am sure of though, it is not your fault and you did not do anything wrong. These things just happen. Allow yourself time to grieve. I also found that just having faith in God and believing that there is a plan has also helped. Praying that you will find comfort and peace during this sad time. Sorry for the loss of your little one. :*(
Dawn 35 DH 55
Sammy 4 1/12/04
Stepdaughters 19 and 24
Angel baby 1/16/06
Sally arrived 1/16/08
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Postby CINC » Sun Mar 05, 2006 3:19 pm

Lori, while I have no answers for you I add my sympathies to those listed above. Please take care and I hope your healing will begin soon. :(O :(O :(O :(O
Nicole
~I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.~
Mom to Elijah Samuel 1/3/03 & Isaac Kallel 9/23/06
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Postby Mom In Waiting » Sun Mar 05, 2006 5:24 pm

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it is anytime anyone has a loss, be it early or late, it still hurts just the same. I also know the horror and shock of thinking everything is moving along just fine one day and then not the next. All the questions keep flooding your brain, I prayed to God to shut my brain off with my last m/c. I couldn't function without thinking about it. Then all these wonderful ladies helped me to get thru it one day at a time. And all my friends from my church reminded me that we are not in control of it all and that even though we may never know why, that the Lord is Sovereign and absolutely had a plan for 'why' this happened. I truly believe that we are just not meant to know everything or we would no longer have a need to depend on the Lord for anything. Try (hard as it may seem at the moment) to let it rest in His hands and if He wants you to know the 'why's', he'll provide the answers thru the dr's or testing. We'll be here, so don't hesitate to call on us. Hugs, and more hugs to you as you heal one day, one minute at a time. Let us know how you are doing when you can. Blessings, Cyndi E>
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Angel Baby #2 1/01 (12wks)
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Postby momof3wanting4 » Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:48 pm

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is hard right now but you will make it through. God Bless!!
Michaeline E>
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Thank you all so much

Postby Sweetest on earth » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:18 pm

To all of you,

I just want you all to know, how meaningfull your posts have been through everything. All of you, have given me the comfort that I have been longing to hear and see these past few days. A miscarriage is one of the worst things that can happen to a woman. I've come to believe that now. This time, has been much harder on me then the last. I was just so very excited, every nurse and doctor that I have met with, said that things looked great. I must have been told several times, that there was nothing to be concerned of. And then this. I guess I will never really know what caused me to loose my child, just short of 4 months. No one, will. What I do know, is that my hope and faith in the lord, will see me through this. There is a reason for everything, and even though I would like to say that there was no reason for taking my third cild away from me, there must have been. I see that now. I will be seeing a gyn in a week or two, just to make sure, that everything has expelled from my body, and then will be given the option of going back on birth control, or deciding if we should just wait a while, and try once again. We really thought that the third time was the charm, guess we were wrong. I really dont know what to do at this point. I am hurting, more then I ever could imagine someone could hurt. And as sad as it seems, I feel like no one in the family understands what I am so upset, or disturbed over. Their lives just tend to keep on going, and I feel like mine and my boyfriends has come to a standstill. For days, all I could so was cry. Now I feel numb, completely lost. But still have the need to cry, to show all of the emotions that are lying within me, but just cant let them be shown. I dont know if its shame, or just me being stubborn...Well dinner has to be cooked, so let me run. But once again, I would like to thank all of you, for being here when I needed people like you...You are all in my prayers and will always be...

Lori
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Postby julsathome » Fri Mar 10, 2006 1:30 pm

Lori,

Hang in there. While the loss will never leave you it DOES get easier. The women here are a testament to that. Just keep letting yourself go through it one day at a time and know that we're here. :(O :(O :(O

Juls
Me - Juls --36
DP (DHTB) - Eddie - 35
DS - Shane - aged 13,DD - Una - aged 10
ectopic on 01/04/05
Pregnant again! EDD April 8th 2007
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