Effects on relationships..?

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Effects on relationships..?

Postby Cloud09 » Wed Feb 11, 2015 7:40 pm

I haven't seen any other similar post on here so I hope this is appropriate. Whether you're waiting to m/c for definite or you are still unsure. How have your relationships with those around you, partners, friends and family been holding up?

I ask because I'm finding it really hard at the moment. I find that even though I need to know they are there , I also want to be left alone. I feel frustrated. When they make a fuss and ask me how I am I close up and wish that they didn't bring it up. When they go on as normal like nothing is happening , I feel like they have forgotten or don't care anymore. I must be so confusing to them . A couple evenings ago I had a crazy breakdown at my mum and my partner both trying to give me advice or their opinion on what I should do. I just went nuts ,shouting at them to leave me alone. I ended up running off and staying the night at a hotel. I still haven't spoken to my partner since then. Right now I feel like I don't care if I ever speak to him again but I know I'm not in my normal frame of mind.

I'm usually the strong one in my family and in my relationship. I'm always the one listening to other people's troubles. I'm not used to this . I feel guilty and disappointed in myself that I'm not holding it together and doing/saying the right things and alienating myself even though I feel so alone.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or whatever but I feel like this is the only place I feel normal at the moment.
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Re: Effects on relationships..?

Postby MamaBee » Thu Feb 12, 2015 12:04 am

This is just your way. Don't feel bad about it.

For me, the relationships grew a little because my loved ones were supportive and I felt cared for. I am also blessed with a stable role in a family with other children to love. This helps with grief immensely.

I was inspired when you wrote that you had been doing art. It sounds like you are sorting things out in your life emotionally. Sometimes you have to step away from others to take care of yourself. If you need this space it's ok! You can calmly tell them so and most likely they will understand. You will be back to yourself once you have passed through this transitional time.

(Hug). ....if you want one. :)
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Re: Effects on relationships..?

Postby Just1More » Thu Feb 12, 2015 10:59 pm

With all the pregnancy hormones and the emotional roller coaster that you are in right now, it is not anything weird. But I want you to understand believe in your heart that you need people around you and their care, else life is meaningless.
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Re: Effects on relationships..?

Postby Cloud09 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:56 am

I don't mind a hug Mamabee . In fact I think I'm better off admitting I need one. That's what I really need from those around me, just kind words and affection .I think it's being given unwanted advice that bothers me. Hearing it once is ok but repeatedly telling me what's best really got to me.I feel a bit less panicky now and less frustrated. Maybe I've worn myself out. I still prefer being on my own . I think it's partly wanting this time alone to bond with the baby before I (may have to) let go. Haven't heard from the father for a few days. I tried to send a apologetic messagelast night but no reply. I did tell him to leave me alone after all and I know he must be dealing with it in his own way himself so I can understand.
Just1More - You are right and I will try to keep that in mind.
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Re: Effects on relationships..?

Postby MamaBee » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:48 pm

Having a baby can change a relationship a lot. Usually, it makes it much stronger as the couple have conceived this marvelous new being. It's a lot like falling in love again with this baby, yet keeping your first love/spouse and deepening that relationship too.

There is a new dynamic here too, because parents are being made. You wrote in your first post that your Love questioned the doctors diagnosis. That sounds like love, protection, and concern. That is positive. If this baby makes it, this man will always be important to your child as the true father. Your lives will always be intertwined because of this. It's a beautiful thing. I realize you will have to find your best path. The place you can call home. For yourself and your baby. A hotel can be lonely. I hope you can find a place of peace and love.
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