Long story-8 week m/c after heartbeat detected

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Long story-8 week m/c after heartbeat detected

Postby hunterroad » Mon Feb 15, 2010 1:04 pm

To start off, this website has been so helpful , hopeful, and even sad. I have turned into an obsessive reader on this site. Here is my story.

I took a HPT on 1/09, 10th, 14th, and 15th. All 4 had a positive result. They detected the HCG like they said they would 5 days before a missed period. I wasn't super excited just yet due to a m/c in 2006 that lasted only 5 1/2 weeks before I even made it to my first appintment for a confirmation. The next m/c I'll call a late period, the 3rd m/c another late period. With this positive result, I waited before I even called my doctors office because of the previous m/c and late period. My LMP was 12/14/09, so I waited until I was around 6 weeks pregnant before I made my 1st appointment. The office scheduled it for 2/5/10, which put me around my 8th week. Before my appointment, I felt such high levels of pregnancy. I have a 10 year old son and am only 33 so I am a bit older this go around. I always felt a knot of pressure down in my lower abdomen, my breasts were 1-2 cup sizes larger and it was very painful to even touch them. OMG did they hurt. I was craving foods very early...around a week after I found out.
Anyway, I went to my appointment on 2/5 and they did a 2 finger vaginal check(confirmed pregnant) urine test (+ result) and a vaginal U/S which confirmed a baby with a heartbeat of 128 bpm. I was ecstatic until she said the baby was measuring 6 weeks and 5 days instead of 7 weeks 6 days. That wasn't a big deal after she said that sometime the sperm stays inside and may not inseminate for 3 days. I was like, wow, I had no idea. So I left a little upset baby wasn't measuring when I knew the dates my husband and I had sex , but was still fine just to know we found a heartbeat!!! :)
The very next evening around 9:00pm, I went to the restroom and when I wiped, had light pink and a clear gel on tissue. I looked a my panty-liner and saw a small spot...I was freaking out, crying, and literally thought my heart was about to explode. I thought I was having a heart attack and kept telling myself I could not go through this again. I went to the restroom the next 3 times and a few spots of pink blood. I finally went to sleep. The next day, there were no spots at all. I was back in the clear and so happy. Monday, I had a brown discharge on liner and toilet tissue and told my husband it may have been old blood like I read on the internet. Tuesday afternoon, after liner had been clear all morning, I wiped and had a bright pink/bright red blood with the clear gel on my tissue and immediately called my doctor who scheduled me for an emergency U/S.
Well, she did the vaginal U/S and saw a very small sac and no baby and no heartbeat. Her exact words were, this sac is way too small for a baby to fit in it. I told her a baby was in there 4 days ago with a strong beating heart and the U/S tech said everything looked great, so how is it that this could happen? She looked around on a big screen for about 3 minutes, turned it off, and said I'm sorry. There is no baby.
I cried so hard, I thought I can never go through this again and I've already told my son, family, and friends we got pregnant. Doctor was very nice and compassionate, but to no avail for me. She asked if I wanted to miscarry naturally or D&C. I said I'll do it naturally...I just wanted to go home and go to bed and try not to think about it.
After I got home, I hardly saw any spotting the 1st night.
Wednesday, I had some pink/rbight red spotting and low dull back pain. Thursday-stronger back pain and still little spotting.
(Tuesday-Thursday)-Emotionally worn out, crying was severe, I felt crazy, I found this site and had hope because I didn't think the last U/S lasted long enough and maybe that was a second sac they missed and the real baby was in the original sac on 1st U/S, how my body feels pregnant, sore boobs, cravings, weight gain, nausea, etc...still happening, but I'm supposed to be miscarrying. Friday- Started what looked like a regualr period, except for the labor like contractions in my back-ouch, ouch, ouch-by my 8th bathroom break, I heard 2 large splashes in the toilet and this may sound gross, but I picked them up and layed them down on a papertowel out of the toilet ad just stared at them...It was a massive piece of what looked like liver...sorry...and was about 5-6cm long. In the middle was a sheltered light colored bubble which when I seen it, I said a prayer and action had to be taken. I am so sorry for the blunt story.
I have bled like a light period this weekend and still continue to have a medium amount of lower back pain and very mild cramping. The bleeding has continued, but it is not heavy. I think I have passed everything naturally, but here's the weird thing:
I still feel pregnant-my mind plays tricks on me and am still having a hard time accepting that I miscarried...I'm still telling myself I could be and that was just a 2nd sac that was not seen...other hours of the day, I accept it. Can't even begin to try to explain the pain and how much of a wreck I have been...I know time may heal my heart and I don't know what will be next...I know I have read so many stories on this site that I really became obsessed over being misdiagnosed, then started reading the after miscarriage and accepting miscarriage....I do thank God for this site and it is helping that I get to share my story...I prayed for every story I read, I cried and even felt I may not have it as bad as some of the other stories, but anyway, I am supposed to go back in a week for my appointment to make sure my HCG's are back to normal...I will update you guys.
hunterroad
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Postby rosiewheel » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:33 pm

Hi hunterroad,

This is actually my first ever time joining or writing in a forum, so please exucse any lacking formalities as i'm not really sure what they're meant to be! Your story has really touched me. You poor thing, to have to suffer all that and in the light of your former scan, how that must feel i don't know. There's so much one one could say and yet so little. Just want you to know that having miscarried just today, my thoughts are utterly with you, and all those like ourselves.

Really hope the last week's brought some light of any form for you.

Take care x
rosiewheel
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Postby hunterroad » Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:22 pm

Thank you rosiewheel. Its hard to respond to these very different and very similar stories because of hope. I'm a firm believer that you can not lose hope in life or you have nothing to look forward to. I go back to get my levels checked tomorrow so I will update you. There are so many women on here hurting and they have touched me as well. I really appreciate your responding...that has in fact put a smile on my face and made me cry. Thank you again for your compassion. I will lift you up in my prayers and know you are not alone. I am so thankful for you telling me about your situation and you will be in my thoughts as well.
hunterroad
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Postby rosiewheel » Thu Feb 18, 2010 10:46 pm

Hello again! Please do keep us updated, i just hope with every finger more than a little firmly crossed that all goes well for you. To be honest, i think our hormones must drive us crazy as i just had a very similar reaction to someone replying to my post, and then in turn, to reading your response. Yet having said that, to pin it only to hormones somehow totally trivialises these matters which is just plain wrong. These ordeals are unbearable, but like you i'm a firm believer in not losing hope(!). So, with all bright light and every positive thought going out to you, very best of luck. Take care and thanks so for your kind words and thoughts.x
rosiewheel
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Postby hunterroad » Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:12 pm

Not sure what blood levels were, but they did a vaginal U/S to make sure and everything seemed to have passed just fine. Even at this visit, I really had 1/2 way excepted the M/C and on the other hand, I wanted them to have made a mistake and me be able to post"There was a second baby in there"!!!! Anyway, it really is sinking in now for sure. Day by day, I am getting better and this has helped knowing for absolute sure there is nothing up in there. I think I'm ready for a cocktail for sure. Thanks again!
hunterroad
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Postby nathanialsmommy » Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:52 pm

hunterroad..I just came across your story. My heart is broken for you. I pray that you find peace and closure during this time.
I am still in limbo myself. Not enough info to say I definitely am going to miscarry, yet not enough to say it's viable.
I pray you will one day receive the desire of your heart and your heart would find the healing it will need to continue on.
nathanialsmommy
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Postby hunterroad » Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:16 am

Thank you Nathanials Mommy. I actually went out of town this weekend with my family and I needed it for sure. There is no right way to grieve so however long it takes to get back to feeling like yourself again, don't beat yourself up. Take your time and you are still in my prayers. I appreciate your compassion and response.
hunterroad
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