My miscarriage story

This forum is to share our miscarriage stories and, in so doing, help others

My miscarriage story

Postby Missy613 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:36 pm

I'm new here but I have to say this site has been a hugh help throughout my entire ordeal.

I hope in telling my story that even just one person will find it with in them to fight for their babies.

DH and I weren't even really ttc. We left it as whatever happened happened. Well after four months of not ttc we got pregnant. I was beside myself with joy. Everything seemed to be going fine. Normal symptoms and all I went to my first ob appt. I was expecting the baby to show a week behind b/c of late ovulation and late implantation. (it took me till the Monday after I missed AF to show up positive on a hpt)

I go to my appt and she did an ultrasound and states she would like to see More according to my lmp. She didn't give me the opportunity to explain and rush me off for labwork and an us at our local hospital.

I did all the testing and returned to her office to review the results. She comes in and frowned at me telling me hcg wasn't high enough and the baby wasn't big enough and said I miscarried. She insisted on the d/e. I refused. (I have to say this site influenced my decision).

I took a few days to gather myself back together and decided to get a second opinion. I saw another dr at another practice. He did another u/s and said that it looked like the baby grew but had stopped growing. He offered several options repeat the ultrasound next week, or decided if this was enough information for me to let go. He said go home and talk it out.

We did and decided that I had done enough. ( waiting and fighting for the baby) I chose to have the d/e. I'm glad I did b/c it looked like I would have ended up doing it anyway b/c I hAd a leep and had scar tissues that would have stopped a natural m/c.

I'm still grieving and dealing day to day. We will try again when we are both ready. But I want anyone who has second thoughts about what you are being told about your baby or even your body to fight and get a second opinion. Although it didn't end well for me it gave me closure to know I did everything I could.

Baby dust to all and god's speed to healthy babies! E> T:)
Angel baby 6/15/09
Chemical Pregnancy 12/19/09
Missy and Ray married 10/28/06
Goose my four legged baby yellow lab
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Postby lw8843 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:56 am

I am sorry for you lose. This site has been a great help to so many and hopefully your story will help someone else down the road. If and when you decided you are ready to TTC again there are several forums on here for people who are doing that and can support you though that time as well. :(O
~Laura~ DH Jacob
DD Haylee October 20th 2006
DD Hannah August 12th 2009
EDD~7/1/2011
Angel babies #1 March 21st 2008-D&C 6 weeks #2 August 20th 2008 12.5 weeks
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Postby april1979 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:51 am

I am so very sorry for your loss...(((HUGS)))
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Postby Missy613 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:58 pm

thanks guys! I think even just posting what happened to me helped me with my grieving process.

Just a little update....DH and I have decided to wait a little while before we try again. I feel like a need to heal physically and emotionally. But I will definately be here for guidance along the way. All the stories have been really helpful and gave to the strength to follow my heart and listen to my body.

Thanks for all your support! :)8

Baby dust with glue to everyone! T:)
Angel baby 6/15/09
Chemical Pregnancy 12/19/09
Missy and Ray married 10/28/06
Goose my four legged baby yellow lab
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Postby lw8843 » Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:51 am

Missy I found the same thing. Just talking about it here helped me so much because people around me just didn't understand. You know to them it's nothing but to us it hurts and it was our baby. For me I also found helping other helped me to feel better some how. Almost like there had been a purpose for it happening to me I could help others because of it.
~Laura~ DH Jacob
DD Haylee October 20th 2006
DD Hannah August 12th 2009
EDD~7/1/2011
Angel babies #1 March 21st 2008-D&C 6 weeks #2 August 20th 2008 12.5 weeks
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Postby Selena » Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:03 pm

Hi Missy. I'm so sorry for ur loss. :(O

This site and the ladies here really helped me too. I had a miscarriage with twins in December. one day i woke up and my tummy seemed smaller and my symptoms were gone. It was very hard and i don't think i'd be over it if i weren't on here. I'll keep u in my prayers :) :H
Selena (32) Thank God for his Blessings ~ Jahiem born 31/8/03 & Rainbow Baby Shannon is on her way <3


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Postby Missy613 » Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:37 am

Thanks Selena. I'm so sorry for you loss. I only lost one baby can't imagine losing two together.

So I just have to tell you about my weekend because only you guys will understand why I got angry.

I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a beautiful ceremony but I was having trouble keeping it together during the service because the priest kept saying, "May they be blessed with children and raise them in God's house." That was rough.

But the thing that really (for lack of better wording)pissed me off was a friend of mine from high school. She's 5 months pregnant. (she didn't know about what had just happened to me) She kept complaining about being pregnant and saying she just wished it was over. :()

I wanted to shake her. I wanted so badly to tell her she didn't know how lucky she was. I wanted to tell her that I would have given anything to be in her shoes. BE GRATEFUL!!!!!! uGH, I just wanted to scream. 8:O

Although I told my mom what I was feeling about what she said, my mom doesn't get it. She had two very normal pregnancies. She just kept telling me she understood. I know she doesn't. But sometimes it just an ear I need. She wouldn't even have to say anything.

Sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent. That's been eating away at me. T:)
Angel baby 6/15/09
Chemical Pregnancy 12/19/09
Missy and Ray married 10/28/06
Goose my four legged baby yellow lab
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Postby april1979 » Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:49 pm

I completely understand...I have when women are blessed and yet they complain...obviously she has never been through the pain of a loss...(((HUGS)))
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Postby Selena » Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:20 pm

I'm so sorry you went through that. I agree with April. They won't understand because they have never experienced the pain of loosing a baby. We're here for u whenever u feel the need to talk or vent. It's ok. No matter how long your post is. Please feel free to come here. :)O
Selena (32) Thank God for his Blessings ~ Jahiem born 31/8/03 & Rainbow Baby Shannon is on her way <3


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Postby Missy613 » Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:46 pm

Thanks for the support. It's here I can really express myself.

I know I have to take it one day at a time but I fear that because this was my first pregnancy ever that the inocence and joy of pregnancy will be lost for me.

I'm hoping that this is not true and it's just what it is, a fear. I think I just need to hear that all the same feelings I felt when I found out I was pregnant this time will happen next time. And that I won't be like, "oh no please don't let it happen again."

I see that some of you have pregnancies after loss. How did you all feel? :sos
Angel baby 6/15/09
Chemical Pregnancy 12/19/09
Missy and Ray married 10/28/06
Goose my four legged baby yellow lab
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Re: My miscarriage story

Postby Shiloh's Momma » Sun Jul 11, 2010 1:17 am

I also suffered from people's Rude Comments:

My husband and I had our first child on March 14th, 2005. She was wonderful and sweet so naturally we wanted another child. We got pregnant in May of 2007. This was kind of a funny story. I was working as a Medical Transport driver and bonked my head in the van. I was feeling woozy and wanted to make sure I didn't hurt myself bad, so I went to the ER. The doctor wanted to do a cat scan and asked if there was any way I was pregnant, I said there is always a chance and he had some blood tests done. He came back (Really disappointed like) and said um, your blood work came back and it confirmed that you are pregnant. I screamed and started crying. All the nurses ran into the room and said what is the matter? I said I am sOOOOO happy I am pregnant. They were laughing and saying congratulations and saying how funny it was for someone in a neck and head restraint to be so gitty and laughing. Anyhow that is how I found out about our pregnancy.

A few weeks later I awoke early feeling wet like I urinated in bed. I went to the bathroom looked down and screamed. I was FULL of Blood. I went to my husband and we both looked at the bed and I went crazy. My dad watched our daughter and my mom, husband and I went to the ER. A new doctor was there and some nurses. I remember one of the doctors saying to a nurse before she came in to check on me. "Have you ever been through this? This is going to be a hard day for us all" I couldn't stop crying.....what did I do wrong? How could I have slept through this horrible loss? What happened, was my baby in pain and I couldn't help it?

I had an ultrasound and it showed the yolk sac with the motionless baby inside (6w4d). The sweet lady who did the ultrasound gave me a picture. The nurses all said the baby was beautiful and I know the baby was. The doctor gave me some suggestions and I chose to wait at home. I came back the following day to get another blood test which kept confirming the pregnancy and the numbers kept increasing but the blood wouldn't stop. I insisted on another ultrasound to make sure make sure make sure, but it was over. He gave me a prescription to help the miscarriage along and I did have cramping, but the symptoms didn't go away for over 2 weeks. I was very ill and the doctor told me I should have a D&C. I was so hesitant because I didn't think I had passed the baby yet and wanted to bury it myself.(if you have a D&C you can't have the baby they take it) That night I felt something very cold pass and I couldn't tell if it was the baby or not, but put it in a container in the refrigerator until my D&C. My D&C went fine and physically I felt a lot better. They checked for fetal tissue, but there was none so I am confident what I had was the baby. A lot of people think they are helping by saying, "oh you can try again" and "aren't you glad that it happened now and not later". You have to forgive them because they don't know what to say... and they love you and they want to help, but don't know what to do. So many will just without words come up and hug you. There aren't any words that help. And you never get over it. But to take comfort that it happens to others and you're not alone.

That Sunday after Bible Study we had a small funeral service at my parents house. My grandparents, good friends and my family were there to bury my child under a beautiful lily that blooms year after year by their pond. My husband and I named our child Shiloh Quinn. We played the song, 'who you'd be today' and I wrote poems and an apology to our unborn child. I cry as I write this, the pain is very much still there even 3 years later. But I have good news to all this.. On Shiloh EDD which was February 20, 2008, I found out I was pregnant. It was a bitter sweet day. I fretted and worried until and after I was 6w4d along. The pregnancy went beautifully and November 1, 2008 I gave birth to a healthy 7lb 14 oz baby boy by the same doctor who was new when I miscarried Shiloh. So he understood when I wanted to see him all the time to make sure the baby was okay. Our son is now 20 months and his sister is 5. But I remember.... and always will our "Forever Young" baby. When we go out and load up the kids I still look for my 3rd child.

I have a box that contains the ultrasound picture, a baby ring and all the cards people sent me. I also have a copy of the CD that I played the day of the funeral. It's in my drawer and when I need some time alone to cry and listen to the cd, my husband allows me to mourn. At first it was constant and he would stay up with me to comfort me as I cry. My husband and that box were a blessing for me, and naming our child helped us say Good Bye.

My mom keeps me informed of our "Shiloh Lily" and how many blooms are out. I will live on, but I will NEVER forget my sweet baby. Forever in my heart......Only a Mother knows......
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Re: My miscarriage story

Postby Missy613 » Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:13 pm

Thank you for posting your story! I'm soo sorry for your loss. It has been a year since my miscarriage and every now and then it still makes me cry. I wear an angel wing necklace around my neck always. I never take it off. I'm sure that pain will never go away completely.

I had a really hard time in January when friends of ours who got pregnant at the same time we did gave birth to their little girl. I didn't think it would upset me. But when I got the text that she had given birth, at first I was really excited and happy for them. Then it set in....that was supposed to be us too. I wept. And then I sobbed. :*( I then said to God, "I pray to you, that you have a better plan for me than this!" :H I was at the end of my rope and ready to give up. P:(

If I didn't know any better I would swear that it was a really big coincidence. He was listening. It was literally 2 weeks later that I got pregnant. (Since my miscarriage we had struggled to get pregnant again. I had a chemical pregnancy in Decemeber.) It was almost exactly a year since our little angel. I was excited but reserved. I've learn not to get too hopeful.

I too had switched OBGYNs when I miscarried. The one I saw who confirm the pregnancy was over was the most wonderful supportive doctor. So when I found out I was pregnant I rushed to call him and he brought me in extra early (I think I was 5 weeks pregnant) and did an ultrasound. Everything looked perfect. But I too had to make it passed the 6w4d mark and find a heartbeat. (My little angel was 6w4d too) He said he felt positive and that he wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. It just happened to fall on my sister's birthday when I was due back. I was a nervous wreck! I was shaking something terrible when we got to his office. I felt like I had to wait an eternity in the office until he came in the room. I said to him, "We have to get good news today. I can't call my sister on her birthday and tell her bad news. No pressure though." He laughed and said, "I'll see what I can do."

He started the ultrasound....and before he could even focus in on the baby I could see fluttering! He focused in and said," We've got a heartbeat!". I burst into tears! He said, "I'll see you in a month!" I still was nervous until week 11. We picked up the heartbeat with the doppler right away. Then I knew this was going fine. I breathed a sigh of relief. :P

Well, here I am at 24 weeks! Doing great. I was fortunate that this baby was a mover. It gave me relief to feel the baby move. I felt movement at 13 weeks! At 19weeks we found out that we are having a little girl! She's moving constantly and I can't wait to meet her! We've decided to name her Molly Rae. (Rae is the girly version of her daddy's name, Ray) :)O<

So, to anyone that is reading this. Don't give up hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what the light turns out to be, there is a light. You may have to be patient but it will happen.

Thanks for all the support! I wouldn't be here without all of you! Good luck to all of you!
Angel baby 6/15/09
Chemical Pregnancy 12/19/09
Missy and Ray married 10/28/06
Goose my four legged baby yellow lab
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Re: My miscarriage story

Postby Shiloh's Momma » Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:16 pm

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! :)8 I wish you the VERY BEST with your new daughter! 8)O I love that name, Molly. My friend Lizzi had her baby Molly, on the day that our Shiloh was due. I look at her and think this is where our baby would be right now, but..... I am so grateful for our son, Kaden. He is now 20 months and a little monkey! He makes me laugh......and a little tired, but that comes with the territory.
Jasmine is our 5 year old and a little mama for Kaden. Our "baby factory" ;) is now closed, but I will continue to check on you and your precious sweet daughter. Congratulations again, you made my day! :)
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